Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Wolves In Space

"But I want to play with you," Finn says, his little mouth turned down and his eyes sad.

I sigh heavily. "In a minute, Finn, I have things I need to do first."

I escape upstairs to my room and lie down on the bed. I didn't exactly lie to him, I think to myself, because there is always stuff to do. There is nothing pressing going on - I have half a dozen phone calls to make, a customer stopping by in about an hour, and of course the never ending laundry to fold.

I just can't do it - any of it. Finn is home from school today because he said he didn't feel well this morning and he looked pale, so I kept him home. Within half an hour he was bouncing off the walls. He's totally fine. I, on the other hand, am a tight ball of resentment. I have 15 hours a week without him, and I'm feeling robbed of the five hours I thought I would have to myself this morning.


I can hear him downstairs whining for me. I put the pillow over my face to muffle the sound. The resentment clenches me tighter - I just want a few freaking minutes without anyone asking me anything - is that too much?

"Mooooommmmm! I need juice!"

Whatever kid, I think. I need a lot of things, too.

I'm in a resentful, tired place in my head. Greta was in a terrible mood this morning, and I had to argue with her get dressed, eat her breakfast, find her homework. She stomped down to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus close to tears, telling me she wasn't going to speak to me Ever. Again.

I can't shake this mood, and I'm upset with myself.

"MAAAA -AAA- MAAAAA!" Finn yells.

I drag myself up out of bed and head downstairs. "What, Finn," I say, with an edge to my voice.

"I da baby wolf," he says, beaming now.

I feel a flash of irritation. He wanted my attention, he whined, and he got it. I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there.

"You da mommy wolf," he continues. "I runned away and moved to outah space and now you can't find me."

I turn to go back upstairs. I start to tell him I don't have time for this right now, but he interrupts me.

"You da mommy wolf, and you are cranky," he says.

I turn around slowly. "I'm what?"

"You da cranky mommy wolf. You are mad because your house is dirty and broken."

"I'm the cranky Mother wolf?" I clarify.

"Yup!" he says happily. "And now you can't find your baby wolf 'cause he in outah space and you wish he would come home."

He is looking up at me. I see, for the first time in a while, how there are no traces of baby on him anymore. He is looking like a little man.

I sit down on the floor. "I miss my baby wolf," I say. "I wish he would come home."

Finn spins happily away. "He in outah space! You need to take a rocket ship to get him!"

I stand on a chair and count backwards: "Three... two.... one.... BLAST OFF!" I yell. "Here I come!"


  1. Finn is an AWESOME kid.

    You're clearly doing a lot things right. Hang in there.

  2. I know exactly how you feel! When one of my kiddos falls sick on one of the few days they are supposed to be in preschool, I myself feel "cranky."

  3. I LOVE this!!! and can totally relate. I love it when my children can "reel" me in.

  4. Ohh... how I can relate to this. Sometimes you just want to go under the comforter and curl up in the fetal position! Being overwhelmed by the needs of others is what mommyhood is about sometimes. Hang in there! P.S. Loved the cranky mommy wolf! Boy, they know how to get us out of a bad mood, huh?!