Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Just A Moment

I had a moment today.

Time is flying by.  Or perhaps I have reached that age where time has become more precious.   I never thought time was flying by when I was younger.   Time couldn't go fast enough for me when I still had all the major milestones ahead of me:   a first job, my first apartment, marriage, a house, kids.  

Most of the time I don't think about time, not consciously anyway.   In our daily lives time warps and contorts into little bits and pieces, and there never seems to be enough of it.   We're always rushing:  to get out the door, to get to various activities and errands.   We live in an era that moves at warp speed, where instant gratification takes too long.  I found myself cursing at my computer yesterday because it was slow to load.   I was tapping my fingers impatiently, muttering away, trying to order my groceries online - online! - and things just weren't moving fast enough for me.    I was cramming my virtual shopping in between dropping Greta off somewhere and getting to the post office before it closed.    I spend my day with an unconscious mantra running through my head:  hurry, hurry, hurry.

We hardly ever just stop.  When I wake up and I don't have every inch of the day planned, I get itchy.    Today is a cold, dark, rainy day.   A perfect day to snuggle in and play with Finn.    Instead, I found myself pacing about my kitchen, thinking through all the things I just had to get done:   the gym, the bead store, the bank, make jewelry, the post office.   I can't get it all done, I thought.   

And then Finn padded up to me in his little footie pajamas, his blanket trailing behind him like Linus.    "What special thing are we going to do today, Momma?"  he asked.   And time just stopped.    I had one of those moments, where he suddenly appeared to me, this real boy, my son, and I thought:  how did he get so big?   

It is as if I don't know how to operate if I'm not under pressure.   Somehow I associate being chronically busy with importance, relevance.    There is plenty of time.   Plenty of time to snuggle and play, plenty of time to get the errands done.    And the world won't stop revolving if I don't get to everything, I would just like to think it would, because in some bizarre way that makes me think I matter

I plunked down on the floor and hugged him.  "What special thing would you like to do today?"  I asked.

"I want to play a game wif you,"  he said.  "When you're done wif your work."   

"How about now?"  I said.  "How about playing a game now?"   

He beamed, and ran to get Ned's Head, his favorite game.     I watched him run, soaking in the very boyness of him, trying to preserve the moment in my mind.    I never take time to just see him.    It is as if his image slips and slides in front of me, morphing from the baby he was to the grown man he will become.  

But right now?   He's four and a half and he loves me without question and it is incredible.    

Right now is pretty incredible.


  1. And these are the moments that make time stand still.

    OK, who else can hear Billy Joel's "This Is The Time" playing softly in the background??

  2. wow. It is so true. All of it. I believe I enjoy working with the special kids I do so much because they force me to be present. I spend my time running lists in my head, hurrying to the store, organizing my life, etc. But when I'm with my clients time ceases. I just AM. The second I start obsessing over what I am unable to do due to my being at work or what I need to get done the second I get off of work, is the exact moment one of them falls or runs off. What a wonderful lesson! If I don't stay present and relish in the moment, there's a good chance I will have a mess to clean up later, further off putting the plans I was worrying about in the first place!

  3. I went to wake up my 9 year old son the other day and just stood watching him sleep for a few minutes. He is a big boy now, but still has that baby face when sleeping. I had one of those moments too.

  4. Ohhhh, this is a hard hitting post. I recently wondered Who the EFF am I? I work full time. My kids get me part-time. Rush Rush Rush. But then those lil turds, who just love you unconditionally, will melt your heart and make you stop dead and soak them in. Not to mention I *hate* that even the 2 yr old knows "work" and "busy." Thing is, though? They still love me. And for that I'm eternally grateful. Enjoy the lil things, ellie. (and remind me to once in a while, eh?)

  5. Awesome reminder! It is so easy to get caught up in the non-essentials that seem so essential. But when it all boils down, the only thing that really matters to me is God, my husband, and my children. Everything else I can live without...yet, it is the "everything else" that too often consumes my time and keeps me from the "what really matters".
    Very awesome reminder. Thanks!

  6. I know how you feel. We're always busy and sometimes I too have moments where everything just STOPS, and I really look at my girls and realize how fast they are growing up. Some days I find myself wanting them to be more independent and other days I want them to stop and go back to the days where they needed me for literally everything. Thanks for the reminder!

  7. So glad you stopped and had that time with him :)

  8. I had one of those same exact moments yesterday. They are all to fleeting. I am trying to make sure that I have at least one of them a day though. I don't want my kids thinking that the laundry/cleaning/errands were more important than them.

  9. I had one of those same exact moments yesterday. They are all to fleeting. I am trying to make sure that I have at least one of them a day though. I don't want my kids thinking that the laundry/cleaning/errands were more important than them.